Cameron Colan’s “Meditations of an Airport Highway”
Fluctuating between a desire to die under a magnolia tree or in manhattan:
we humans always want both yet rarely have the capacity to cradle polarity in our hands.
Dying under a magnolia tree, such a beautiful way to not live.
Its blossom sheltered our souls, its shade smells of home.
Now, if only i had this much to give—
Passing in the grips of my concrete salvation, such a possibility makes the crazed salivate & the
practical hesitate.
Its symphony made up of whatever and whoever chooses to sing at that very moment—
Serendipity manifested as laughter, glass cages, dreams, piss covered streets and the universal
desire to never be alone under a pair of sweat soaked sheets.
Us all junkies, each in our own right, whether you stand behind a pulpit or scavenge the streets in
delight.
Its existence we didn’t consent to but are now fighting,
for just like that we are aware,
fully here with a world screaming at us to go there.
Our time comes and goes—A beautiful twisted bolt of lightning.
Exit here and left at the night,
settled your eyes are on the horizon, breathe out, take on the day’s first light.
Another carolina, not where you are supposed to be. Another missed connection,
one more glorious string, tap tap buzz, embrace the tension.
A magnolia or manhattan,
Why do we have to choose?
If you are where you are,
Is there really anything to lose?
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I first heard this poem in June at “In Spite of Ourselves,” a monthly writer’s round Cameron has co-founded. I heard it out loud before reading it myself, and I was moved by the urgency in tone, and the unknown voice of the persona in Cameron’s poem. Unusual sounds and diction speak to me, and I could see that it spoke to the audience that night too. The writer’s round includes musicians and comedians, and there’s an inviting energy at Ray’s Bar in the Lower East Side, where the round is held each month. But after that poem, there was a moment of quiet, a moment to reflect on the elements of this poem. It’s a different kind of quiet than when everyone just stops talking and waits for the words to enter the air. It’s a chosen quietness.
- Rahil Najafabadi,
Associate Editor
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Cameron Colan is a multidisciplinary artist living and working in the Lower East Side of New York City. Colan is a co-founder of “In Spite of Ourselves”, a monthly New York City writers round that aims to highlight and support the exploration of influential voices of our moment ‘In Spite of Ourselves’; our doubts, our fears, and other oppositional forces that exist within our realities. Colan’s goal is to empower others through his writing, painting, and curated creative spaces in whatever way comes natural to them.
