October 3, 2023 - Rahil Najafabadi’s “Hippie Love”

To Vincenzo

I always had this thing this person behind me. Not in a way I didn't like, not in a way unwelcomed. I thought the person was more like a man than a woman. It always felt like a guard of masculine energy. A dark shadow maybe, in the silhouette of a man taller than me. He was never behind me when I turned around. He wasn't to be seen. I only felt him having my back. I couldn't describe him to anyone because I didn't know what he looked like. We never spoke. I did imagine him to wear black suit or slacks and a vest. Sometimes I felt he didn't have hair or maybe, he looked exactly the wind. A feeling I can't see but I know it is beautiful and more than what I know. He was there, I grew up, and then he was gone. One day, he must have left.

But I only knew that much later when he didn't need to be there anymore.

I now wonder if he was you. There were moments I felt like he came back, but it only felt that way because I saw you as him. I mean, him as you. I mean, I saw you as one. The first time you walked from my right side to my left, and me turning around the moment you were completely behind me. It happens often now, and I've learned that "it's a gentleman's thing." I always know what you're doing when you appear behind me on the street. Yet I love turning around and catching a glance. I can look at you know. I can speak to you. I've become your lover. I look at you and I understand how my shadow has always been missing you. I can see your shadow too, meshing with mine. I feel my shadow holding you every time you pass by before I can turn around and hold you.

If I asked him now, what do you want? Really, out of this world? He would probably say "Love and peace. Like a hippie." Like you do. As I do too.