January 26, 2023 - “A feeling that never really formed” by Elizabeth Lerman

I have such a nagging need to know a feeling, to write down a reaction when I am right in the middle of it, like I am scared of forgetting it while it’s still happening, like I want to prove it was felt in the first place, but I think you have to live something to remember it, which is funny because sometimes I feel like I remember lots of things I haven’t lived through, like I’m hoarding someone else’s memories, packing them away in a box where I keep them in case I want to revisit a feeling that never really formed. I wonder, a lot of the time, if I am making it up as I go along, the sinking weight of what I felt in all the moments I can see but not hold.